Anonymous asked 2 years ago

What are some common mistakes parents make that could actually hurt their children’s mental and physical health in the long term?

1 Answers

Ramal Lakshan Staff answered 2 years ago
  • Giving the child more than two choices. (Many parents think children always should have choices when they don’t)
  • Praising the child for everything they do. (I see praise-junkie kids now) they don’t do anything without a payoff for them.
  • Trying to make the child happy. (Their job is to learn to make themselves happy)
  • Overindulging the child, believing acquisitions lead to happiness. ( it sets up chasing the never satisfying carrots; addictions and compulsions)
  • Keeping them busy with sports, believing “activities” will keep them out of trouble. (I’ve seen so many become bullies or burned out on everything)
  • Thinking smart will save them. Promoting smart as the end-all-be-all. (They become arrogant, thinking everyone else is stupid or secretly believe that they have to put on an act and are a fraud). Nobody likes them.
  • Thinking a strict religion will give them perfect values and save them. (The first time they see the hypocrisy in their parents or the touted beloved leaders, the house of cards start to fall.)
  • Thinking withholding common information like sex will save them. (I’ve seen thirteen and fourteen-year-old girls get pregnant, sometimes just to flaunt it at their parent)
  • Being hyper-critical of the child’s mistakes, assuming intense scrutiny promotes success and makes them better. (These kids are driven to perfection in everything from looks, likability, sports, smarts, or you name it. When a mistake happens, they are worthless as a human being so start getting angry or self-harm even to the point of suicide.)
  • Using shame, shunning, or threats of not loving the child, in order to achieve compliance. (It is a short term gain with abandonment lurking in the shadows. Then the child doesn’t care either)
  • Making the kid do things inappropriate for their age. (I have three patients right now who at age four, were having to feed themselves and or had to be in charge of a sibling also. I’ve seen many who didn’t have children of their own because as they all said; “I’ve raised my family.”)
  • Not limiting screen time whether TV, video, games, phone or texting. (I know a family where the mom and teenage son text each other constantly and no one else can get into their relationship link (real relationship dynamics are not developed.)
  • Not letting kids get bored. (Some parents think children are supposed to be stimulated at all times and it’s their job to avoid boredom. The kids then don’t learn to be creative nor find it in themselves.)
  • Protecting kids from their own consequences and loss. (I see parents with good intentions get plastic toy everything to buying them out of legal trouble, be surprised when the child respects nothing.) All of us need to learn losing is just another way to gain wisdom and experience about what not to do.
  • Not letting kids play dangerously. (The Forest Kindergarten schools have shown the children get sick less, are more well adjusted and also get along better than their regulated indoor peers.)
  • Not debriefing kids at bedtime. “What happened today?” Children sleep better and feel loved when the parent shows an interest in what happened that was significant to them in their own lives.
  • Not reading to very young children. (Reading requires the child to be still, be quiet, and use their imagination. All the things videos don’t. It prepares them for listening in school and being able to use their imagination for creativity and alternatives as a resource.)
  • Pulling pacifiers too soon age-wise. (Parents know it is an outward symbol of insecurity so tend to take it away as soon as they can, instead of getting the child secure where it would drop-out naturally. I have adult patients who secretly suck their thumbs.)
  • Not regulating food and especially inquiring: “Are you full?” Typically they load the plate again. (That is an old survival program from our heritage as scarcity when food was not available. Kids then chase a full-filled sensation, not understanding each time you fill yourself, your stomach adapts to that as normal and expands.)
  • Spanking older children over five thinking it will teach them to mind and be good. (Using corporal punishment never works as well as love. I see all kinds of patients where the concept of ‘Spare the rod-spoil the child’ was anything but. No spoiling, just oppositional, angry, bullying, deceiving, avoidant, fearful or performing automatons.)